Introverted

Personality Traits

I've known that I am introverted for as long as I've known the word. What I've come to better understand as I've aged, is that there's so much misconception about this personality type. For some reason in our western culture, being introverted is somehow perceived as a negative trait. With a biased assumption of extroverts being more outgoing, sociable and ultimately 'successful'. 

I would argue, as with most things, there's pro's and cons, to both these personality types. Equally, the perception of positive and negative traits will be highly dependent on our individual values. Additionally, many individuals may exhibit a mixture of these traits, so things aren't quite as clear cut as the 'label's' suggest.

Introverted Personality

Introverted and extroverted are more like a spectrum of traits. For me, its' very clear cut where my personality type lies. I would describe myself as a 'typical' introvert. I have every trait of an introvert that you expect to see. For example: enjoy being alone; prefer to have a small number of close friendships; dislike crowds or large groups; being quiet and reserved; reflective and self-aware; take time to make decisions; prefer to write than speak; get overstimulated when exposed to too much sensory input; like to retreat; need quiet to concentrate and focus.

It can be difficult and exhausting for introverts like myself who are constantly trying to navigate our 'extroverted' environments. Whether that be socialising, spending time with friends and family, working, shopping, holidays....the list could go on. People who don't struggle with these simple life events, don't fully grasp, just how impacting they are on our nervous system. 

It's easy to add stimuli but actually quite difficult to remove stimuli (especially in group settings), so its even more important to identify strategies to manage these potential stressors.

This doesn't mean that we can't function in this fast, busy, loud world that we live in. It just means that we need to be able to counter balance its effects on us by having our 'safe spaces' and downtime, in order to recoup and re-energise. Without this balance, life would be too overwhelming and could create a situation of avoidance and isolation, which ironically also has a negative impact on our health and well-being. 

What I've learnt about being an introvert has helped me to understand my needs. I now know how to manage my environments appropriately and effectively so that I don't miss out on amazing opportunities and can engage fully in life. 

If I'm going to an event that is going to be overstimulating, I will instantly be looking out for the 'quiet' areas, so that I can retreat somewhere for short periods. I generally gravitate to 'calmer', 'quieter' people if I know I am going to be in a place for a prolonged periods of time. I can work flexibly, which allows me to work a mix of home based and office based if I need to. I have quiet spaces at home but feel so grateful for the very quiet area that I live in, I'm not sure how I would manage if that wasn't the case.

Negative Aspects of being Introverted

There is often the assumption that I am 'shy' or 'passive'. Neither of these are true. There's no doubt that I struggled painfully with being 'shy' when I was younger but as I grew in confidence and self-esteem, this aspect of me disappeared. My quiet nature is no longer due to 'shyness'. I recognise that this is actually my personality trait and something I need to keep me well.

For many years I have battled with being my true self and desperately tried to conform. Behaving in ways that I considered other people would prefer. As you can imagine, this just left me feeling deflated and even more disconnected. In the past, for example, I would drink alcohol to try and 'loosen' up in social settings. This is all honesty just made things worse. Read more about Why I chose no more alcohol

Of course, there's times when I cannot control or predict if a situation or environment may become too over stimulating for me and I may not have a way of being able to adopt a usual strategy to counter balance. In these circumstances, I get agitated or anxious quite quickly and its not uncommon for me to either completely 'shut down' or get quite snappy with people around me.

It takes me a long time to make decisions, regardless of how small or big. I once had a melt down trying to choose a sandwich in Subways...which type of break, which type of filling, which type of salad, which type of condiment - arghhhh....TOO MUCH, especially when it's all under the pressure of the someone waiting for my decision!!! I cannot cope and will just completely withdraw, letting someone else make the decision for me. This happens time and time again in a variety of different concepts, from choosing holidays to deciding on a TV show to watch. This can come across to others as me being passive, as I let others make decisions when there too much choice. The reality is, once I've been able to narrow down the choices and spent some time weighing up the pros and cons of each possibility, then I'm more than happy to make a decision. I rarely jump into anything without some careful consideration which can be infuriating for people around me. 

I really dislike telephone calls. Partly because Im rubbish at small talk but also because its more difficult to remove myself from the situation if its getting too much. I much prefer to message people. This, I'm aware, seems very distant and unsociable. I do obviously still call people but its certainly not something I would do on a daily basis. My preferred method of communicating is face to face, this is much more intimate and comfortable. However, this needs to be in a small familiar group situation. If the group is too large (even if its all family and friends), again, I would shut down if I cant retreat to a quiet space. I have no control over this, its just how my nervous system reacts to the situation.

It has taken me years to accept my personality and recognise that there's many positive aspect of being introverted that I now fully embrace.

Positive Aspects of being Introverted

From a work perspective, I am really productive when I can knuckle down on my own, in quiet surroundings. I'm particularly good at problem solving and finding creative solutions. I now know why Im so good in my profession, as it plays well to be natural skillset. I certainly did not look for a profession based on my personality type but it just so happens that I gravitated towards something that fit well with my values and preferred way of working. I work in healthcare, so my strengths in listening, compassion, being observant and thoughtful, compliment and enhance my professional identity. 

Im a very loyal friend. Those close to me, get all of me and I fully open up and relax. It's important to me to have meaningful relationships, that I can engage in thoughtful conversations. I'm more of a listener than a talker. Not passive listening, rather active listening. So, people often gravitate to me if they want to off load or share something in confidence. 

I have a very positive outlook and because I enjoy being in my own company, I don't rely on others for my happiness. I'm fiercely independent and self-reliant which can at times, be more of a problem for others, rather than me.

Relationships

You'd expect that being introverted, would mean that I gravitate to forming relationships with other introverts. This is actually quite the opposite for me. Many of my close relationships are with people who I would consider extroverts....including my husband.

What I realise now, is that these personality types (when on a 1:1) tend to bring me out of my shell a bit more and by default expose me to situations that would naturally stay away from. This has provided me with amazing opportunities that I personally, would never have had. That's not to say it cant be challenging at time, for both them and me...but that's for another post!!

Learning more about being Introverted

I recently read a great book called Quiet by Susan Cain. I would highly recommend this book for anyone wanting to learn more about what it means to be introverted but equally to better understand extroverts and how the 2 personality types differ