Acceptance in Midlife

Embracing Your Uniqueness

Recognising and accepting who we are as unique individuals, will be a very different experience and journey, for us all. If 'at all', for some people! What I do know from personal experience, is that some of my own acceptances have come from intentional work that I've embarked on, along with some developed 'wisdom' that has come with age. Both of these routes for self-acceptance are an evolving journey that I continue to 'allow' to support my health and wellness.

Recognising My Uniqueness

For me, my first step in accepting 'me' and my life's journey so far, has been to stop and intentionally recognise myself. As an individual being, I sit within a broad and complex matrix of people, cultures, societies, beliefs and values. All of these things shape who we are and influence our identity and sense of belonging. At times these factors can directly challenge our 'natural' way of being and push the boundaries of what we 'intuitively know' about our unique selves.

There's endless personal examples of how I have desperately tried to mould myself into a different person or put myself in situations that I don't feel comfortable with, in order to 'fit in', often sacrificing things that have been important to me. 

As a younger adult, I was not necessarily conscious of this but I was very aware of how I felt. Those feelings were often psychological discomfort and unease but without the wisdom of 'why' I felt like this.

Equally, our sense of self can become blurred and we loose sight of who we truly are when we only focus on the roles we adopt during our lives, such as 'wife' 'mother' 'employee' etc...... These can appear to make up our identity, when in fact our identity lies underneath. When we strip away, or look beyond the roles, we can see the self much more clearly.

Obviously, our roles are important to us and provide us with sense of belonging and meaning in our lives, which equally impact on health and well-being. However, taking the plunge to explore yourself gently and compassionately, as a unique being, can be really liberating and a step towards, acceptance.

Change Your Language 

I'm naturally a very curious person when it comes to trying to understand myself, so self-reflection comes easily. What I've had to learn, is not to subconsciously fall into a rabbit hole of focusing on aspects of myself that I considered 'negative', as this can lead to self-loathing, which is not healthy. The first thing I was conscious of doing, was altering the language I used when reflecting on myself. So instead of focusing on what was wrong with me, when I struggled with certain things in life, like socialising, I took a curios, inquisitive interest, to better understand my unique self. That way, I could better understand and accept who I was, rather than constantly putting myself under immense pressure to be like other people. 

I never, ever, describe myself using negative language anymore, in any circumstance (regardless of the context), to myself and certainly not to other people. Now, I hear myself say things like, 'this is who I am' and 'thank goodness we're not all the same'. I'm even more assertive in my language if I'm challenged about my differences and will say things like 'you be you and I'll be me' or 'I don't have a problem with who I am'. This hasn't always come easily and its certainly not come naturally. We frequently put ourselves down and don't even recognise we are doing it. This just opens the floodgates for more negativity to creep in, creating feelings of not being good enough. 

Change Your Mindset

As a woman living in the 21st century, we are constantly being exposed to messages that tell us, how we should look, behave, function, socialise, conform and live, to be accepted. Whether on TV, social media, advertising, literature, education settings, other people etc...... It's no wonder we lose ourselves as individuals. Constantly trying to live up to these expectations is exhausting and frankly, soul destroying.

It takes considerable effort to first, recognise that this happens then make conscious steps to counteract these unhealthy influences.

I've worked hard to be 'me' and quieten those internal demons telling me to be someone I am not. For many years I have practiced meditation and I truly believe this has helped shift and alter my mindset. Along with lots of reading from authors that like to challenge the status quo of societal expectations, I no longer feel the need, nor have any desire to dismiss who I am to please others. I'm a very introverted person and have come to accept and value that aspect of me. In my younger years, I desperately fought against this and tried so hard to be more extroverted like my friends and family. This would often leave me feeling disappointed in myself and crushed my self-confidence, so was certainly not a healthy way to live. Knowing this about myself enable me to understand what I can and cannot tolerate, so I no longer put myself in situations that make me feel uncomfortable or off balance. Creating an even greater sense of ownership and acceptance of myself. 

Midlife Wisdom

As expected, with age comes wisdom and knowledge. I've learnt so much about myself and the world I live in. Its a blessing to be able to continue to evolve and better understand myself and all the interconnections we have with others and our environments.

My personality has not changed at all, I'm just more accepting and able to embrace my personality and traits. I've grew in confidence, which allows me to be comfortable with who I am. I understand that we are all unique individuals, all with very unique experiences that shape who we are. I don't need to be like you and you don't need to be like me, in fact, its more interesting getting to know other peoples unique-ness. We all have contributions to make and we need to be different in order to excel in areas that are meaningful to us as individuals, no matter how big or small. We are all small cogs in the big wheel of life

Please feel free to share your experiences and journey to self-acceptance