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If you have landed on this page, then welcome and hello. As the blog title suggests, this is a shared space for navigating the murky avenue of ‘midlife’.   I created this blog, so that I can share with you, all the weird and wonderful things I have trialled, adopted and dabbled in, during this strange transitioning time of life. My life now, looks 100% opposite, to how it was 5-10 years ago. There was a significant period of change for me and in all honesty, my transforming is still evolving. I’m now in a place where I accept that life is a continuous journey and we all have a story to tell, so that we can share, learn and support each other. Let me get straight to it – my roles have changed, my body (internal and external) have changed, my outlook of life has changed, what I place importance on has changed, my relationships have changed, my relationship with myself has changed and my priorities have changed. Please use this platform to recognise that you are not alone and we...
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Empty Nest?

 

Empty Nest, or… Full Inhabitant of Life?

I’ve been a mother for nearly 32 years now. I have 3 grown up children and 3 grandchildren.

Although my youngest son is still at home, he has 1 foot out the door and to be honest, even though we share a house, I barely see him.

The concept of ‘empty nest’ previously had me filled with absolute dread and with each child leaving the family home, that ‘fear’ seemed to get even more profound. Being a mum, is all I’ve ever known and although filled with the expected strains and stresses of parenting, I love being a mum (….actually, I should say ‘mam’, being from the north east of England)!!

However, my mindset on this has altered dramatically over the past year or so. What I was not expecting with my children leaving, was the new lease of life that I have embraced. This has not been by conscious design nor by accident. As my children became less dependent on me, I gradually filled my time with new hobbies, making time for friends and spending more time doing fun things with my husband. This hasn’t suddenly happened and I didn’t have a eureka moment. It's just something I have noticed when reflecting back on why I haven’t actually developed the ‘dreaded’ empty nest syndrome, that I was expecting.

I have re-discovered ‘me’. This easily gets lost when we are parenting and our primary focus is on our children (and work)!!! I’ve re-engaged in hobbies and interests that I used to love, like painting and drawing. I go out on long walks, go to music gigs and festivals, meet friends on a whim, go on weekends away and go on holidays that I actually want to go on (not those ones that are catered for kids and make us need another holiday)!!

One of the major things that I had not taken into account with my evolving freedom was how my husband and I would ‘remember’ what originally drew us to one another. That concept of coming back to who we really are as people (and not just parents) has rekindled our love of each others company. Hell, we even went ‘raving’ recently and bloody loved it!! I have a better social life now than I ever have.

I’m fully aware that this is not the outcome for everyone and I have no idea what the future holds for me but what I do know, is that for now, I am fully living and enjoying my life.

What I’ve learnt…..don’t just idly sit back and wait for ‘life’ to come to you. Make small steps to introduce new things in your life that you may enjoy (you don’t know unless you give it a go)!! Re-introduce things that you know you’ve enjoyed in the past. Embrace opportunities that come your way, it could lead to an amazing adventure and meet new and interesting people. If it doesn’t, then at least you give it a go and can add it to making memories. Expand your opportunities to meet different people, it broadens our perspective and creates situations to engage in things that you may not have done otherwise.

My ‘life’ to do list….not exhaustive but it’s a start:

·       Roller-skating

·       Skiing

·       Learn to play a musical instrument

·       Foraging

·       Touring in a camper van

I still get my maternal fix from seeing and looking after my grandchildren (when I can…living a distance away can be difficult) as well as having my crazy canine soul mate who demands quite a lot of my attention!!!

No empty nest here……life is certainly different and I do miss my children but they are not ‘children’ anymore and I have a lot of pride seeing how independent they are. This feels like its ‘my’ time and I fully intend to embrace it

To read more about 'how to cope with empty nest syndrome and be happy again', see link here to this great article written by psychologist, Dr Magdalena Battles 

Empty nest-how to be happy




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